Sadhu aur TT

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?

Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.

TT: Ticket hai? Sadhu: Nahin

TT: Chalo Sadhu: Kahan?

TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

Sardar and His Sister

Sardar apni sister ke saath bike pe ja raha tha.

Boy : Oh! Singji girlfriend ke saath kaha ja rahe ho

Sardar: Oye! girlfriend hogi teri , meri tho sister hai.

Train Accident in Amritsar .... Sardar

“Aaj Tak” gets news that 100 Sardars are killed in a train accident at Amritsar station. Only one Sardar left alive.


The correspondent goes to the Sardarji and the conversation between them goes as follows:

Correspondent : How did this happen?


Sardarji : Well, all the people were waiting for the train. They were standing on the platform. Then there was this announcement that the train is arriving on platform number 2.

They got scared to know that the train is arriving on the platform and hence they jumped onto the tracks to save themselves. The announcement was misleading. The train arrived on the track and you can see the result.

Correspondent : Well, I guess, you must be the intelligent. Why did you not jump onto the tracks?

Sardarji : I was actually trying to commit suicide. I was waiting for the train on the tracks. When I heard that the train is arriving on the platform, I climbed up…

Sardar and Pathan

Once one sardar and one pathan were traveling in a train. Sardar was trying to open his suitcase to take out his night dress, but he was unable to open it. Pathan came and opened the suitcase and said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .

After an hour sardar was busy in opening his lunch box, but he could not open it. Pathan came, opened the box and said "Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .

After some time sardar was trying to open the door of the toilet but he could not. Again Pathan came and opened it with one kick and said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai"

This time sardar became angry he asked pathan "oye muzhe ek baat bata, teri ma jungle gayi thi ya sher tere ghar aaya tha?"

Real Story of A Girl

This is a real story of a young college girl who passed away last month in Chandigarh.

Her name was Priya. She was hit by a truck. She was working in a call center. She had a boy friend named Shankar. Both of them were true lovers. They always talked on the phone.
You would never find them without their hand phones. In fact she also changed her cell connection from Airtel to Hutch, so that both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost.
She used to spend half of the day talking with shankar.
Priya's family knew about their relationship. Shankar was very close to Priya's family as well. (Just imagine their love).
Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away please burn me with my handphone" she also said the same thing to her parents.
After her death, people couldn't carry her body, A lot of them tried to do so but still cant everybody had tried to carry the body, the results were the same.
Eventually, they called a person known to one of their neighbours, who can speak with the soul of dead person and who was a friend of her father.
He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.
After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here." Then her friends told that person about her intentions to burn her with her phone.
He then opened the grave box and placed her phone and sim card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It was then moved easily and they then carried her into the van.
All of us were shocked. Priya's parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away.
After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's mom.....
Shankar :...."Aunty, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me.
Don't tell Priya that I'm coming home today, I wanna surprise her."
Her mother replied.....
"You come home first, I wanna tell you something very important."
After he came, they told him the truth about Priya.

Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "don't try to fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her.
"Please stop this nonsense".
Then they shown the original death certificate to him.
They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat)
He said...
"Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me.
Shankar was shaking.
Suddenly, Shankar's phone rang.
"see this is from Priya, see this...." he showed the phone number to priya's family. all of them told him to answer.
He talked to her using the loudspeaker mode.
All of them heard his conversation.
Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming.
It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her sim card since it is nailed inside the grave box.
They were so shocked and asked for the same person's, (who can speak with the soul of dead persons) help again.
He brought his master to solve this matter.
He & his master worked for 5 hours.
Then they discovered one thing, which really shocked them...







HUTCH has the best coverage.

"Where ever you go, our network follows ;-)"

ATTITUDE

small truth to make our Life
100% successful....

(if)
A = 1
B = 2
C = 3
D = 4
E = 5
F = 6
G = 7
H = 8
I = 9
J = 10
K = 11
L = 12
M = 13
N = 14
O = 15
P = 16
Q = 17
R = 18
S = 19
T = 20
U = 21
V = 22
W = 23
X = 24
Y = 25
Z = 26
______
Then

H = 8
A = 1
R = 18
D = 4
W = 23
O = 15
R = 18
K = 11

Makes 98%
______

K = 11
N = 14
O = 15
W = 23
L = 12
E = 5
D = 4
G = 7
E = 5

Makes 96%
_____

L = 12
O = 15
V = 22
E = 5

Makes 54%
_____

L = 12
U = 21
C = 3
K = 11

Makes 47%

(None of them makes 100%)
_____

Then what makes 100%??

Is it Money? ..... NO!!!

Leadership? ..... NO!!!

Every problem has a solution,
only if we perhaps change our "ATTITUDE".


It is OUR ATTITUDE towards
Life and Work that makes
OUR Life 100%

Racial Tommy Hilfiger

I'm sure many of you watched the recent taping of the Oprah Winfrey show in Chicago where her guest was Tommy Hilfiger. On the show, she asked him if the statements about race he was accused of saying were true.

Statements like"..."If I'd known African-Americans, Hispanics, Jewish, INDIAN and Asians would buy my clothes, I WOULD NOT have made them so nice. I wish these people would *NOT* buy my clothes, as they are made for upper class white people."

His answer to Oprah was a simple "YES".

Where after she immediately asked him to leave her show.

A suggestion? Don't buy your next shirt or perfume from Tommy Hilfiger.

Let him get what he asked for. Let's not buy his clothes, let's put him in a financial state where he himself will not be able to afford the ridiculous prices he puts on his clothes.

If we are small, then send it to the whole community and see the result.

We have to see the result of unity. Stop buying all range of Hillfiger products, perfume, cosmetics, clothes, bags etc

Save our Dignity

Santa ...... Calling Bell

lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again,

Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Santa's Parking fine

Santa was sitting at road side for a long time.

Banta asked him - Why are you wasting your time?

Santa: I am taking revenge.

Banta: How????

Santa: Is waqt ne mujhe barbaad kiya hai... ab main waqt ko barbaad kar raha hoon

...................................................................................................................................................................................Sardar Santa comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

Cola Salesman in Arab

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, " Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

This doesnt need a subject

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that
means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he could survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US . He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.

M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire. ...........

Have a great day!

Smiling after reading is not mandatory!

Carry on............................

Banta Singh..... Bank Robbery

Banta Singh, wanting to rob State Bank of Patiala, walked into the branch and sticked a note "Put all your muny in this bag." on the back of a deposit slip.

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that some-one had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.

So he left the bank and crossed the street to State Bank of India. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the SBI teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a State Bank of Patiala deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a State Bank of India deposit slip or go back to State Bank of Patiala.

Looking somewhat defeated, Banta said "OK" and left. The SBI teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at State Bank of Patiala.

Spielberg and chinese man

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese,
you're all the same," replied Spielberg.


In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Joke

MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"

MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-NINE years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school."

Drink And Drive

10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which means it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without driving

What would you opt????

Grass Eaters

A man was riding in the back of his luxurious car when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.

"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, please come to my house!"

"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."

"Bring them along!" the rich man said.

They all climbed into the car. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."

The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

Vijender - Bronzee Only - Loses Semifinal

Hopes are vanished. Vijender settles for a Bronze, loses the game to his Cuban rival Emilio Correa Bayeaux in the semifinals of the 75kg category on Friday.

Pascal is Out - Intelligence and Sponteinity of Einstein

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven............ They decide to play hide-n-seek.........

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den...........He is supposed to count up to 100...and then start searching.....

Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein...........

Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97,98,99.....100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........

Einstein says "newton's out..newton's....out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out........
He claims that he is not Newton......

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton..........

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m
squared..... That makes me Newton per meter squared......
since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT...........!This message was sent to you by Sriram Sarma... Back to work.

Golden Days for India in the history of Olympics

20th August 2008, a golden day for India at Olympics. Not only this time but, in the whole hsitory of Olympics. In the entire arena of 120 years, India never won more than 2 medals. This time Abhinav Bindra shot on bull's eye, Sushil Kumar made it in wrestling ring with a bronze and last but not the least Vijender kumar in Boxing punched a sure medal, entered in Semifinal.


Come On India!

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Records Held by Sachin Tendulkar

Just have look at the records held by Sachin Tendulkar. No wonder why British Prime Minister is suggesting him for the honor of Sir .......

1. Highest Run scorer in the ODI
2. Most number of hundreds in the ODI 41
3. Most number of nineties in the ODI
4. Most number of man of the matches(56) in the ODI's
5. Most number of man of the series(14) in ODI's
6. Best average for man of the matches in ODI's
7. First Cricketer to pass 10000 run in the ODI
8. First Cricketer to pass 15000 run in the ODI
9. He is the highest run scorer in the world cup (1,796 at an average of 59.87 as on 20 March 2007)
10. Most number of the man of the matches in the world cup
11. Most number of runs 1996 world cup 523 runs in the 1996 Cricket World Cup at an average of 87.16
12. Most number of runs in the 2003 world cup 673 runs in 2003 Cricket World Cup, highest by any player in a single Cricket World Cup
13. He was Player of the World Cup Tournament in the 2003 Cricket World Cup.
14. Most number of Fifties in ODI's 87
15. Appeared in Most Number of ODI's 407
16. He is the only player to be in top 10 ICC ranking for 10 years.
17. Most number of 100's in test's 38
18. He is one of the three batsmen to surpass 11,000 runs in Test cricket, and the first Indian to do so
19. He is thus far the only cricketer to receive the Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna, India's highest sporting honor
20. In 2003, Wisden rated Tendulkar as d No. 1 and Richards at No. 2 in all time Greatest ODI player
21. In 2002, Wisden rated him as the second greatest Test batsman after Sir Donald Bradman.
22. he was involved in unbroken 664-run partnership in a Harris Shield game in 1988 with friend and team mate Vinod Kambli,
23. Tendulkar is the only player to score a century in all three of his Ranji Trophy, Duleep Trophy and Irani Trophy debuts
24. In 1992, at the age of 19, Tendulkar became the first overseas born player to represent Yorkshire
25. Tendulkar has been granted the Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna, Arjuna Award and Padma Shri by Indian government. He is the only Indian cricketer to get all of them.
26. Tendulkar has scored over 1000 runs in a calendar year in ODI's 7 times
27. Tendulkar has scored 1894 runs in calendar year in ODI's most by any batsman
28. He is the highest earning cricketer in the world
29. He has the least percentage of the man of the matches awards won when team looses a match. Out of his 56 man of the match awards only 5 times India has lost.
30. Tendulkar most number man of match awards(10) against Australia
31. In August of 2003, Sachin Tendulkar was voted as the "Greatest Sportsman" of the country in the sport personalities category in the Best of India poll conducted by Zee News.
32. In November 2006, Time magazine named Tendulkar as one of the Asian Heroes.
33. In December 2006, he was named "Sports person of the Year
34. The current India Poised campaign run by The Times of India has nominated him as the Face of New India next to the likes of Amartya Sen and Mahatma Gandhi among others.
35. Tendulkar was the first batsman in history to score over 50 centuries in international cricket
36. Tendulkar was the first batsman in history to score over 75 centuries in international cricket:79 centuries
37. Has the most overall runs in cricket, (ODIs+Tests+Twenty20s), as of 30 June 2007 he had accumulated almost 26,000 runs overall.
38. Is second on the most number of runs in test cricket just after Brian Lara
39. Sachin Tendulkar with Sourav Ganguly hold the world record for the maximum number of runs scored by the opening partnership. They have put together 6,271 runs in 128 matches
40. The 20 century partnerships for opening pair with Sourav Ganguly is a world record
41. Sachin Tendulkar and Rahul Dravid hold the world record for the highest partnership in ODI matches when they scored 331 runs against New Zealand in 1999
42. Sachin Tendulkar has been involved in six 200 run partnerships in ODI matches - a record that he shares with Sourav Ganguly and Rahul Dravid
43. Most Centuries in a calendar year: 9 ODI centuries in 1998
44. Only player to have over 100 innings of 50+ runs (41 Centuries and 87 Fifties)(as of 18th Nov, 2007)
45. the only player ever to cross the 13,000-14,000 and 15,000 run marks IN ODI.
46. Highest individual score among Indian batsmen (186* against New Zealand at Hyderabad in 1999).
47. The score of 186* is listed the fifth highest score recorded in ODI matches
48. Tendulkar has scored over 1000 ODI runs against all major Cricketing nations.
49. Sachin was the fastest to reach 10,000 runs taking 259 innings and has the highest batting average among batsmen with over 10,000 ODI runs
50. Most number of Stadium Appearances: 90 different Grounds
51. Consecutive ODI Appearances: 185
52. On his debut, Sachin Tendulkar was the second youngest debutant in the world
53. When Tendulkar scored his maiden century in 1990, he was the second youngest to score a century
54. Tendulkar's record of five test centuries before he turned 20 is a current world record
55. Tendulkar holds the current record (217 against NZ in 1999/00 Season) for the highest score in Test cricket by an Indian when captaining the side
56. Tendulkar has scored centuries against all test playing nations.[7] He was the third batman to achieve the distinction after Steve Waugh and Gary Kirsten
57. Tendulkar has 4 seasons in test cricket with 1000 or more runs - 2002 (1392 runs), 1999 (1088 runs), 2001 (1003 runs) and 1997 (1000 runs).[6] Gavaskar is the only other Indian with four seasons of 1000+ runs
58. He is second most number of seasons with over 1000 runs in world.
59. On 3 January 2007 Sachin Tendulkar (5751) edged past Brian Lara's (5736) world record of runs scored in Tests away from home
60. Tendulkar and Brian Lara are the fastest to score 10,000 runs in Test cricket history. Both of them achieved this in 195 innings
61. Second Indian after Sunil Gavaskar to make over 10,000 runs in Test matches
62. Became the first Indian to surpass the 11,000 Test run mark and the third International player behind Allan Border and Brian Lara.
63. Tendulkar is fourth on the list of players with most Test caps. Steve Waugh (168 Tests), Allan Border (158 Tests), Shane Warne (145 Tests) have appeared in more games than Tendulkar
64. Tendulkar has played the most number of Test Matches(144) for India (Kapil Dev is second with 131 Test appearances).
65. First to 25,000 international runs
66. Tendulkar's 25,016 runs in international cricket include 14,537 runs in ODI's, 10,469 Tests runs and 10 runs in the lone Twenty20 that India has played.
67. On December 10, 2005, Tendulkar made his 35th century in Tests at Delhi against Sri Lanka. He surpassed Sunil Gavaskar's record of 34 centuries to become the man with the most number of hundreds in Test cricket.
68. Tendulkar is the only player who has 150 wkts and more than 15000 runs in ODI
69. Tendulkar is the only player who has 40 wkts and more than 11000 runs in Tests
70. Only batsman to have 100 hundreds in the first class cricket